Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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