So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
