Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
