You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
