I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
