ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish I only lived at night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
