dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
