walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
