My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
In America we eat man semen.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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