vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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