i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
