So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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