We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How drunk are you?
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