We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
