I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
