Already got asked if we're dating
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
