i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
