blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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