alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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