At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
