Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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