we have officially lost it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
