i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
