I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
