My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
ttyl tear gas
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
