Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
