Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
