i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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