I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
