Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
