hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
