no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
