ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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