I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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