apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
