On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
