I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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