A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
