I'm eating all of the evidence.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
