when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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