We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
