Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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