i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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