we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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