why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
