I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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