i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
