I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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