My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Vodka?
Forever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
