i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
