well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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