I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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